Nice boat huh? — With 27-payments I could create my own French Navy. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, (but it is dead anyway, right?) If I would chosen Bitcoin instead as an investment rather than Koon's Diana or my French navy, I would be up a mad, phat, $100-million dollars and that's four or five F-15 Fighter jets towards owning my own "banana republic."
My dreams are stupid, I send the "devil on my shoulder" well back to hell.
I paid my money and when the deadline hits I do not get my Diana. months than years go by, NO DIANA! — I am pissed! This is the last straw for me! I love art, I want to contribute to arts and I want THIS Jeff Koons' Statue in my imaginary McMansion. (It has to be an McMansion, right? — I mean, if it is a Jeff Koons' and it definitely needs an equally "kitsch" McMansion to frame it nicely don't you think?
So what do I do? I decide to go to Amazon's customer service link to ask politely: "Where is my God Damn, Diana?" Next, I jumped through the hoops and I get a hold of an Amazon customer service rep. (Our doppelgänger for Larry Gagosian or more likely one of his employees asked to fall on their sword because they know I am really mad.)
Amazon gets back to me later in the day and I am told that the artist known as Jeff Koons is late because he is such a quality freak that he wants it to be perfect and it is just not there yet… "How does Spring 2019 sound," they ask…"
"FUCK YOU, BLOW ME, Jeff and his assistants, [many of whom he has laid off as of late] had years to put this "babe" together. Michelangelo built the "David" by hand, with no electricity, no assistants, from a block marble that sat around in someone's backyard for ten years after two sculptures screwed it up. GUESS HOW lONG IT TOOK HIM?"
"How long, sir?," she asked condescendingly.
"TWO YEARS!"
"My apologies, but let me remind you that the ROI on this piece will more than make up for the delay. Jeffs Koons is this generation's "Michelangelo of kitsch and..."
"Miss, this is not an arbitrage deal, I did not buy Diana to sell her! - You know what, never mind, I am so suing the two of you. You will be hearing from my lawyer shortly." I hang up and feel burned!
In closing, I make an offer to Steven Tanabaum and Joel Silver... Choose any artwork on this website and I will sell it to you for the cost to bond it to aluminum with 80-tons of pressure and 400º of heat and I will send it to on time within 30-days. I promise, and my word is BOND (unlike the artist you are dealing with now!)